Life after the heart attack

I’ve been wanting to put up something for a while but haven’t had the words to but down on paper.  

At the moment, and I’m at 2 and a bit months after the main event, the one thing that is still with me is how scary the whole thing has been.  I didn’t have classic symptoms so it wasn’t until the paramedics got to me and said I was having a heart attack that I really realised what was going on.  The only classic symptom I had was a pain in my upper arm that got worse each time they took my blood pressure.  Other then that it was extreme shortness of breath and what I thought was really bad indigestion pain.  

I don’t really remember much of the what happened after the ambulance crew turned up and took over.  At the point I must say that I am extremely greatful that my Mum found me and had called 999.  I was still mid attack when the ambulance turned up.  I remember being shelled out to the ambulance on one of those chair things and thinking that the tailift in to the rig was cool and I wouldn’t mind another go on that.   I remember the guy who was with me trying to get a cannula in to my arm and giving up and him giving me a spray of Glyceryl Trinitrate – GT spray, which is one of the things they arm you with when they chuck you out of the Cardac Care Unit.  Thankfully I’ve never had to use mine since as it tastes foul.  

I do remember trying to work out where I was on the drive to the hospital.  I know we went round the M4 Junction 11 roundabout but apart from that I couldn’t really work out where we where on the way to Royal Berkshire Hospital.  

I remember being wheeled in to the ccu and in to the cardiac lab.  Because your on an ambulance trolley your on a body board and I know I said “weeeee” as they tipped me off the trolley on to the hospital bed in the cardiac lab.  The cardiologist who did the emergency angioplasty chuckled as I slide on the body board going “weeeee” like a 5 year old.  

I don’t remember much of the angioplasty, I know Dr Nicos said the usaual “you’ll feel a tiny scratch” thing as he injected the local anaesthetic in to my right wrist so that he could insert the catheter in to the artery.  I don’t really remember much more of it to be honest.  I worked out the robotic looking arm going round and in to positions over my chest was the x ray machine they use to see which arteries are blocked.  I don’t remember the stents going in eather.  I know I arrested twice in the lab and they had to jump start me twice.   I’ve since worked out it was when they where doing the pressure test…..they chemically induce a controlled pressure on the heart to see how the blood is flowing in your arterys.   My heart at this point said no thanks no playing and stopped.   I think I was unconscious at this stage as I don’t remember being jump started.  I do remember that they had to give me another jolt to get my heart back in to rhyme again.  I know this because they did it as I was coming round and I felt the shock go through my body.  Ever been hit round the head with a metal baseball bat.   It’s worse then that.

I think Dr. Nicos decided that I had had enough by then so he didn’t do the 90% blockage on the left side of my heart.  I was wheeled back on to the ward.  By then I was back with it a little more. Feeling very drained and total wiped out.  I was a little high from the light sedative they had given me during the angioplasty and I was hocked up to a ECG machine and a drip of blood thinners.  

I do not like hospitals at the best of times, they are too hot and too impersonal for me and my stay on the CCU ward was not a good one.  I wasn’t allowed out of bed for two days and peeing in to a paper machete bottle isn’t fun.  I guess as the empath start to take over I was also picking up on the fear and anxiety of the other people in the ward.  I was happier when they left the curtains closed and I couldn’t see what was going on.  The lady in the bed next door was one of those types that was making it clear she was in pain for the whole ward to know about and the lady opposite was also a dementia case, bless her and she really didn’t have clue what was going on or where she was.  I was very sore in my chest and still feeling very wiped out by the next morning.  I hadn’t slept much because of the soreness in my chest and the moaning of her next door

On the second night I was moved to a quieter part of the ward, by this time I had been hocked up to a mobile heart monitor and as long as I didn’t move to far from my bed area I could sit up and at least go to the loo on my own.   But by the second evening my own anxiety level had broke and I desperately need to get some fresh air.  I had my first melt down and one of the nurses took pity on my and accompanied me out side so I could get some air and have a fag.  I was extremely lucky that one of my work colleagues who had brought her daughter into AnE after a bump on the head was walking past at the time and I had another melt down on her shoulder.   It had all gotten much for me.  The soreness in my chest was incredible and I was hating every moment on the ward and I just wanted to go home.  

The old girl opposite me this time was a game old bird.  She was as nice and polite to the nursing staff, almost a modal patent, but as soon as her family turned up she gave them hell.  Clearly making up for them not visiting or dumping her in an old folks home.  

By the 3rd morning I really wasn’t coping with being in hospital and when the Doctors came round that morning and said th wanted me another night to run a test in the morning because it was a bank holiday and they wasn’t anyone available to run the test.  I lost it and asked for the papers so I could discharge myself.  I couldn’t stand another night on the ward.  I just wanted to go home and sleep and rest in my own bed.  They advised against it and the doctor somewhat snottaly said “well where not a prison”  but I was sore and tiered and really couldn’t cope with another night of being in a hot house with things that bleep and buzz and being woken up every 4 hrs to have my blood pressure taken.   I was not in a good place and I just needed to get home.  

So I discharged myself, came home and slept for 8 hrs as soon as I got in.  

They don’t tell you a lot when you leave hospital.  Just a booklet on what to do and advice on how to use your GT spray.  And a bag with your drugs in.   I’ve learnt a lot more from the NHS web site and the British Heart Foundation site has been a God send.  So I was let go with my advice booklet, my bag of drugs and a report on what they had done and what appointments etc I should need and a sick note for 6 weeks.

This is where the fun really starts.   No one tells you about the soreness in your chest, the loss of confidence, the emotional toll the whole thing has on you. As well as trying to make sense of what your body is telling you.  How your jump at every little missed heart beat every new bit of soreness, how you panic at every side effect of the beta blockers and blood thinners.  How easy it is to over do things in the first couple of weeks.  What angina pain is and what it isn’t.  Turns out most of mine was artery spasms not angina.  Your not told any of this.  And I fell for the lot at some stage.  I didn’t work out what where side effects till I read the leaflets in the boxes of tablets.  Bleeding gums are a side effect of the platelet tablets, muscle pain is the beta blockers.  You get paranoid about your heart rate and how fast your pulse is.  Tintenitus is also a side effect.  I couldn’t lay on my left hand side for the first 2 months and I had always slept on my left since my teenage years.  My pulse would feel like an express train.  It wasn’t till i splashed out for a blood pressure cuff and started checking my own that I started to stop jumping at every little twinge and new pain.  Mum brought me a fit bit for my birthday so I know my heart rate is usually well with in “normal” 

One thing I have learnt is that time is the only thing you can use.  It takes time for the heart to heal after a heart attack and I’m talking months not 6 weeks.  The biggest problems I’ve had is with my mental well being.   I’m not scared of passing over, as long as it’s quick and relatively painless.  I’m more then happy to go when spirit calls me.  

The biggest mental health problem has been the loss of confidence.   When I first came it of hospital I followed the sdvice in my booklet and started off slowly and built up the walking and all was going well.  Till I decided to drive down to Winchester.  It was scary because one of the biggest things to deal with is what if it happens again when I’m driving or even worse if I’m on my own.

Being on your own when you have heart condition is extremely scary.  I was in no fit state to call 999 during my heart attack and if mum hadn’t have found me I would have died on the bathroom floor.  So my worry about being left on my own was very real.  I wish I could but in to words how scary it is.  I have no other experience to relate it to.  A 44 year old guy and I’m still weary of being on my own for any length of time. 

That night after the drive down to Winchester I had a very big artery spasm.  It only lasted half an hour but they are extremely scary when they are happening.  Your heart pounds like it’s trying to come through your chest.  You get chest pain like an angina attack.  You really can’t do anything other then ride it through.  Afterwards your so relieved that it’s over and you didn’t have to call 999 or reach for your GT spray.  But they leave you total drained, physically and emotionally.  They are horrible things to go through and all your good for is to sit and cry.

Once I’d put it together in my head that these attacks happened when I over did things, another one a couple of weeks later when I was having a really good day and was feeling good so decided to cut the grass that night I was again laid out with a spasm, I decided to scale back the activity I was doing.  I needed to rest and re group.  

I discovered the basic mindfulness meditation technique.  Which has proved to be a life saver at times of stress and anxiety.  I would really recommend that every one gets to know this basic tool and it is an enormous help.  It’s shaved my heart rate on lots of occasions since.  

Things do get better over time.  But it is very slow progress and I think I’m only about 50% along that path at the moment.  I am back at work now, although on restricted hours.  I can comfortable drive short local distances.  But I still don’t like being left in my own for long periods of time.  Although I did manage to get through a week of being on my own, and that was extremely tough.  I am walking every day, although only about 15 minutes, not the 30 that is recommended for this stage in my recovery. 

As soon as I came out of hospital I changed my diet.  It’s an easy fix and I’ve dropped over processed foods, red meat and I try to keep the fat low.  I’ve lost 2 stone in weight since the heart attack.  I’ve also stopped smoking.   That was one of those moments.  I’d gone out for my morning fag about two weeks after my heart attack.  Got half way through it and thought, I don’t want to do this anymore and I’ve not had a cigarette since.   Although I am now vapeing full time.  Which the doctors seem happy for me to do.  

I recently had to go back in to hospital for another angiogram.   This was to put a stent in to the 90% blockage that was left from the emergency angioplasty.   Once the cardiologist had me on the table and the x ray machine was swinging away doing it’s thing and the wire had been passed up arm to my heart.  It was found that I had a good blood flow in the blockage area and it was decided that i didn’t need the 3rd stent.  It could be managed with drugs and carrying on with the lifestyle changes I had already made.  

Should all be good news and it is but I had 3 melt downs that day.  First one was when i was admitted, 2nd one when i was on the table waiting for them to start and 3rd one once i was back on the ward.   

I had two when i went back to work after the angiogram as well.   Although my physical health is improving my mental health hasn’t.  If anything it’s getting worse but i have confidence that it will improve over time.   Or I hope it will any way.  But i dont think that will happen till the hospital have finished with me and I’m back to being able to lead a life like my old one minus the body fat and cigarettes.   It is happening but it is very slow progress.

I’ve decided to post this as a update and to try and make some sense of my situation at this moment in time.  I am extremely grateful to my mum for calling 999 and for my friend Racheal in coming to see me and giving me tons of support.  Also to work for being very understanding and to my friend Beth who has helped out with her medical knowledge and has kept a carefull eye on me.  

There have been positives to come out of this.  Sam at the hospital when i had my first melt down.  Finding Mindfulness Meditation.  Losing weight and stopping smoking.  It has been very hard going and a heat attack is a life changing event and I know i am a lot better off then lots of other people who have suffered one.  My own father and father – in -law have both suffered from them and i am in a much better position at this stage then they where and for that I am very grateful.  

If you know someone who has recently had a heart attack i would encourage you to go and see them.  Sending out healing is a wonderful thing we can do, but a visit is just as important.  Even more so if they live alone, as that is very scary when you can’t trust your own heart not to misbehave.   

I wish i had some awe inspiring spiritual message other then make sure that you look after your body and mental and emotional well being.   It is true we leave these body’s on this side when we pass over but we have to look after them as well.  Also manage your stress level as well.   Don’t spend to much time at work, it doesn’t love you back.    Make sure you look after your friendships, you’ll never know when you’ll need a freindly face.  

I think Jerry Springer had it dead on when he says “Look after yourselves, and each other”

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Spirituality in Spiritualism 

Spirituality is a broad subject and is hard to pin down in these modern times. Simply put it is the systems used to express an inner faith. Christian Spirituality can be expressed in Bible Study, attending church, living the Gospel message in your daily life.  

I suspect that the Wiccans and Druids, because they live their faith path in a day to day way, would say it’s the way you live the faith, followed by study – the opposite way of the Christian’s. 

I’m currently reading “Monk’s Habits for Everyday people: Benedictine Spirituality for Protestants” by Dennis L. Okholm. A perfect example of how St Benedictus Rule can be applied to the day to day lives of ordinary people. 
It’s got me thinking. At the moment I sense a deep need in the Spiritualist Community for something more. We’ve done what the Spiritualist National Union (SNU) set out to do. We’ve proved the existence of the Spirit world. We’ve proved that life carriers on after Death, that our Souls move back to Spirit world and communication with them is possible. 
Because we believe that each person’s path is there own to walk we don’t have a set of sacred texts to pour over. We don’t have a Bible. We are free to follow path’s already set by other people. Native American being a favourite, Which is an absolute freedom of the Spiritualist Movement. We are free to follow what works for us. I have total respect for those who wish to follow a Native American path – although please keep your drum banging to an acceptable level – Some follow a Buddhist path, others a more earth based system like the Wiccans. It’s all wonderful and adds to the richness of our Spiritual Journey.     
My own Spiritual path, in this life and in past life’s has always turned more towards the Monastic. As far I as I know I trooped though the dessert with Moses, I spent a little time on a Roman Naval Ship, I was with St Adian in the North of England when he first came over from Ireland. I spent time in, what is now Durham Cathedral round about the time they finished building St Cuthberts Tomb. In this life I spent 3 years with the Society of the Sacred Mission as a Novice Religious.  

The quietness of the Monastic house, applies to me, the chance to spend time contemplating life, the Universe and Everything is a gift I now wish I took more advantage off when I had the chance.

The draw back of not having any set rules is that people take advantage of that. The amount of “New age” belief systems available on the market is outstanding. Each claiming to be channeled through the highest source. 10 days with arch angle Micheal, Arch Angel Healing power, lean how to channel the highest healing power etc etc. Most of which come with a price tag. As a rule of thumb if the course attached to the system is more then £100 or the reading list included books only by the course leader then someone has a bigger eye on the bank balance then on the Greater Good of the earth and the people on it.  
Over the coming months I hope to be able to share some of my Spirituality and how the great traditions of the Monastic fathers and the opportunities they offer can be used to help inform and guide you on your path way as they have mine. And i hope it will shed a bit of light on to the Spirituality of the Modern Spiritualist movement.  
I hope by making public some of the Spiritual Battles I have fought and giving voice to my beliefs it might give someone a helping step along there path.   
From the SNU Web Site

It is through personal interpretation and understanding of any spiritual philosophy and how it is expressed by the living it that shapes the individual spirituality and guides their decisions in how they chose to interact with everyone and everything of the material and non-material worlds. 

It is by applying personal philosophy in all compartments of day to day living and by progressing and learning through life’s experiences that Spiritualism becomes a living personal philosophy. 

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Passionate people

Passionate people
Recently I’ve been told, not for the first time, not to be so emotional. Both times it’s been in the context of “business”, well people I’ve worked for. The latest one from an ex Navy officer, who has had a lot of re-enters problems coming back to Civilian life.  
My point on this, it’s emotional people, passionate people that get things changed in this world. It’s passionate people, people that feel emotional reactions to things that get things done. 
At the grass roots level it’s the passionate people that organise rally’s, and meetings, write to MP’s, sort out funding drives, the list goes on.   
Do you think that if these people didn’t have an emotional response to their subject that these things would get done?   
No is the answer to that. Some one has to have an emotional response to Ethiopian children starving, someone has to have an emotional response to animal abuse, child abuse, anything that people care about enough to try and change. 
I don’t think that being emotional about a subject is out of line. It’s the un-emotional response that worry me. Some people appease there lack of response by opening up there wallet and giving to charity’s. It’s a good cause and I ought to care about it but i don’t care enough to do anything about it, here’s a fiver.
In the context of business, it’s the passionate people that start up small businesses, that take an idea and run with it. That have a emotional response, it takes a belief to do a start up. A belief and that means an emotional response.   
It’s once that business becomes bigger then the original idea and is over taken by the aggressive profit makers that it becomes soulless and unresponsive. That’s when people become payroll numbers and a resource to be managed. Rather then sentient beings with feelings and needs.  More power to the emotional responders is what I say.   

I think it’s an act of an person not being true them selves, not reaching in to their own understanding to be able acknowledge the passion in some one else. Telling them not to be so emotional is a sign that they can not handle people who are open to there own feelings. It’s a sign of someone who has trouble reconciling there own feelings. It is a sign of someone that needs healing, who needs to help to untangle the things that they have been taught.  
In this modern world the emotional has a bigger place, most have a bigger place, otherwise how do we know what is wrong and what is right? There are no hard and fast rules anymore. Gay’s can get married, black can marry white, compare owners can be taken to law over deaths caused by their company’s. Slavery is seen, very rightly, as an abomination. The world is changing, constantly, and it’s the emotional responders that bring to our attention the things that are right and those that are wrong. 
It is the job of the emotional responders to take on the bean counters and the emotionally dead and bring the balance back to this world.  
It’s emotional responders that bring the beauty in to this world.  The creative spark is an emotional response.   

There is nothing wrong in being an emotional responder. 

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New symbol in my Aura

Yesterday as I was getting ready to head down to Winchester Spiritual Church for their monthly Coffee afternoon, where I do readings.  I was out in my back garden just enjoying the sunshine and centreing my energy when I was made aware of a new symbol that’s been placed on my aura.    I couldn’t see it but I felt the energy from it.  It was powerful, buzzed on almost all vibrations and felt very sacred. 

Well after doing some digging around today I’ve come up with this (image above).   From what I can find out, praise Spirit for Google, it’s a Seichim symbol that aligns all energy to the God energy.     Or in other words it aliens low and high energy in to Source.  

How it’s going to work for me and how it will effect the way I work I don’t know yet, suck it and see.  But I do know that my readings where better yesterday and flowed like they haven’t done in some time,     

It’s my belief that it’s been put into help with my new Ministry and it’s Spirit that have put it there.   As I find out more I’ll keep you all posted

Love and light

Brother David 

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Rev Brother David

As some of you may know recently I became an ordained Minister.  Why?   

Well a lot of it was for personal reasons and  I believe it is the next step along my own spiritual path.  For me it is an outward sign of what I believe is inside.  

Let me explain.   Meditating in the bath, the thought came to me that I needed to goggle ordination.  So being a good boy I went and looked it up.   First sight that came up was the Universal Life Church Monastery.   An American organisation that basically ordains people at the click of a mouse so that they can proside over weddings for friends.   A non-denominational, non-traditional church organisation.  That allows people to become legally ordained.  To forefill the law in the states as to who can officiate at a wedding.  State by State they are willing to provide the nesscacery documents to forfill state as well as federal law.  
What was interesting for me was how people then took their Minister status and used it to help other people on their Spiritual Paths.  There where Wiccan’s, People from some of the lesser known Chruchs in the USA.  In fact anyone who felt the call to be a Spiritual Leader.   And that was investing for me.  

Rewind a week. During the Workshop that Racheal Setford and myself conducted in Winchester, Psychic 101, I got in to one of those random conversations with one of the Lady’s who attended.   She was bemoaning the lack of Spiritual workshop’s in the New Age work shops.  Things that organised Religion used to do, but stopped doing when they began to wain.  The type of stuff that I was brought up on, and had teaching in during my time in the Monstary.   The type of thing that I had been thinking about putting together but didn’t know if their would be a need.  Turns out their is a need.     

I am very aware that the Spiritualist movement is very good a turn out “Sunday Spiriutalist’s”.  Those that turn up on a sunday, usually because they want to see the Medium on duty work.  They sit through the prayers and Philosophy, smile nicely, nod their heads but it doesn’t connect it with them.   Surely as part of the messages we give from loved ones that have past over, part of the message is about making our own life’s better, about being open to the possibility of spirit and taking steps on our own paths so that the common good is strengthened and we move forward towards a more loving, peacefull world.   A world where Heaven truly does become a place on earth.

Mediums who do platform work, have usually come up through SNU training and have very strict rules about what they can say and what they can’t.  But they have been trained in how to give messages, how to connect in with Spirit world and be the medium channel between worlds.  What they don’t get is any or very little training in the Spiritual side of Spiritualisem, and that is something that I want to look at and maybe be able to pass on some of the things that I know.  My tradition is Monastic Christian, which gives you a very special outlook on the world.   The teachings of St Francis, St Augustus, the early church fathers……the list is endless.    The Eastern Tradtions put the link to Spiritual work before the link to Spirit.   We in the west have always been very shy of this.  It’s your own path and you need to tread it being stamped on our heads.     It’s hard work and we shy away from it.   We’ve already proved that there is life after death.   We are Spiritual Beings have an earthly experience and are here to learn things.   For a lot of people it’s about learning how to make that leap from the material world to the Spiritual one.  

That is very true, it is our own path and we alone can walk it.   From time to time you may need help, and it’s been well believed that when needed the right teacher will come up.  From my own experience I can say that that is true.  But I had a grounding, a background in Spitual work.   Most people don’t.    Most people dont’ know about the universal law’s.   How to work the law of attraction for it’s proper use.  How to work the “dont take more then you need” in to their lives.   And some just need a gentle kick in the right direction to their next big step.

A lot of the reasons why I did it where personal, it set’s the intention for the next part of my path.  It gives me something to live up to, to be a better Spiritual Person, to cerment my own believes, to set my own Rule.   It’s the Dumbo’s feather if you like, the things that will give me the confidence to do the things I believe Spirit is going to ask me to do.  If other people are able to link in with me better because I am a Minister, then i have no problem with that.   If it gives weight to the things I need to say then that’s brilliant.  If it means I can help someone on their path then it was absolutely the right thing to do.   And it is my belief that Spirit have taken me to this point and want me to take this path.  

If you don’t buy in to the whole ordained Minister thing, then that’s also totally fine.  I have no problem with that.   It’s not your path to walk, it’s mine.   I’m not asking anyone to call me anything different, but if you feel it’s right to use my title then please do.  All I ask is that you give me your energy and prayers as I work out where it is that Spirit wants me to be and your strength to do what it is that Spirit is asking me to do.  

Yes I can Name you, Marry you off, bury you, bless your house, bless your relationship and do all the things you might need a Minister to do.   And I will do it to my best and from a place of love.   

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Update on The 2016 Energy shift – a personal account – New Guides.

As a lot of you will be aware at the moment we are going through a big energy shift. Designed, I believe, to draw us all together, closer in the Collective Conciseness.

As part of this, some of the Psychic’s and Mediumes I know have been given upgrades on their Guides or have been given new Guides to work with.

Tonight during meditation my Guide set up was complete with the addition of a New Animal Guide. I know have a Red Dragon, called Drago. Looks like I need to do some research on Dragon’s!

Always as part of my main weekly meditation I put a wall of energy around my living space to help keep out the nasty’s and negative energy. Before I always used to ask St Michael to take his sword and swing it around in a circle. Tonight Drago put in a wall of fire as my protective energy.

This is on top of a New Main Guide, who has been coming in with me in the last couple of months. Sam has taken over from Howard as I progress along this part of my Path.

Sam is as far away from Howard as could possibly be. Whereas Howard was a very much a book person, learning through the written word, and that’s how we would communicate as well, Sam is very much a hands on type. He’s over the 6 foot, black hair and change’s his dress depending on what we are doing, but usually Jeans and a T. He also wanted me to know that he was smooth (no chest hair), when I asked why that was important for me to know, the answer was that he knew me to well! I have no idea what he means. Sam is what I can only call a laddish type. Seems to be broad shoulder and muscled, but muscled through hard work not gym. He’s not very well vocabulated, doesn’t use lots of words when a few will do, likes to sit and talk rather than use written language. He badgered me to talk to him when he first came in, where as I was used to talking to Howard through the use of writing, Sam most defiantly wants to talk verbally.

 Wolfie             Me

Paul                      Sam                 Drago

St Adian

How my Guides stand around me. Having no one on my Right Hand side is very Normal for me. Wofly – Gray Timber Wolf, Paul – Angel Guide, Sam – Main Guide, Drago – Dragon. And
St Adian – Teacher guide.

Sam also has a habit of rolling his eyes at me when he thinks I’m being stupid, or I’m having a moment of very particular “me ness”

If any of you know my friend, Greg Smith (Medium) you will know his Guide, Julius. Julius is very big in his energy’s and can fill out a good half a wall with his back ground energy, well Sam is about as big as Julius.

During tonight’s meditation Sam should be my Book of Life. Something Howard used to do every now and again. I know that the next chapter of my path has been written, although I never know what it say’s as it’s written in Angelic symbols, but I do know that reconnecting with Moon Energy is a task for the months ahead.

So as the Energy shift continues I’ve been beefed up with the Guides and been given some work to do. Will keep you all up to date as we work through things.

Love and light

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2016 – A theory in the what is happening

So far 2016 has seen lots of passing back to Spirit of a lot of creative people.


After talking to a lot of people, and from what I have seen at the event’s I’ve been to my working theory is this: –

The creatives, and by that I mean the truly creative – those who have written new material, (Not X-factor wannbe’s.)

Those who have follow their divine muse, using the gifts that God gave them, to write, channel, make for our enjoyment and enlightenment. Music, song’s, stories, comedy.

They are being recalled because:

1, what is about to happen is going to be so hideous in their eyes, to spare them the pain they have been recalled.

2, They will have to reincarnate pretty quickly to help rebuild the earth once the event’s coming have happened.


It is true that there has been an energy shift in the last couple of months. This I know because at the MBS event’s I have been attending, healers of all shades have been doing a good trade. We all know that in the last couple of years, healers have always had a pretty bad run of things at fayres. But recently people have been seeking them out for healing on the Spiritual and Emotional levels.

There has been an energy shift that has not been kind to some. This energy shift was meant to raise the collective conciseness to a new level. And for those of us already on that path it is working.

However, it is my belief that for those on a lower path, it has just pushed them further along it. Look towards the East and you’ll see what I’m talking about. I’m not starting to accept that a new type of warfare is indeed coming. It won’t be in the traditional sense of tanks and soldiers, running along the trenches of North France. This is going to be War that we have never seen before. It’s going to be bad, it’s going to be quick, it’s going to be bloody, it’s going to be violence the like we have never seen before. Paris, Belgium are just the first stone’s thrown. It’s going to get worse and a lot bloodier.


The Creative’s are going to be needed once again to reincarnate and help rebuild this shattered Society. This is why they are being recalled.


When all of this is going to happen? That I don’t know, but I think it will be in my life time.

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The Great Silence

The joys of not having to talk to anyone. That was my first thought when I was first introduced to the Greater Silence.


The Monastic purpose for The Greater Silence is very simple. Taken from Isiah (1 Kings 12.19) Where Isiah found the voice of God in the quiet, not in the great earth quake or the raging fire. One of the purpose’s of being in the silence is so free up the mind to be able to hear the voice of God.

Although St Benedict’s thoughts on it where slightly different, according to The Rule it was more of a case of “Careless talk cost’s lives” rather than being open to hearing the Spirit of God.


For me, the Greater Silence was, perhaps the easiest of the Monastic disciplines to master. Never being a morning person, not having to talk to anyone before 9.00am was a blessing.


The Greater Silence isn’t just about not talking though. It was a time when the Monetary fell silent, the last of the daily officers was said, we’d said Good Night to God during Compline, asked for his blessing to keep us safe during the night and the silence fell. No TV, No Radio, just the creaking of the pipes and the hum of the fridge. In those hours, after compline and before bed time it was the most relaxing part of the day. Time to study for those of us who had to, write letters, read, get in a little bit of extra prayer time. It was like Christmas Eve, when the house is already and there is that little bit of time before the rush of the next day’s activities.


There is something magical in being silent, of sitting in the stillness, it does give you time alone with your own thoughts and feelings, working through the day’s problems, or just being in the moment.


Now outside of the monastery I find that’s, perhaps, the thing I miss most. In this crazy world of 24hr noise, just taking a bit of time out is one of the biggest joys. True to my Monastic heritage I very rarely have the Radio or TV on after 9 in the evening, and I do read or write in those few hours before bed time. Being in a share house it’s never really quiet even with my door closed. But I like to give this time over to Meditation and being with my Guides and the Spirit’s that are around me.


I’ve guess this has been upper most in my mind recently because I’ve been doing extra hours at work and time to myself is a very rare thing. Perhaps it’s my Monastic training telling me I need to spend time with my thoughts and with God. Rather then just trying to get in a few extra hours of sleep.

I wish I had the words to get across to you how magical this can be. It’s more than meditation for me, it’s more like being able to just be in my own thoughts, truly in my own space.


I get that for some of you, it could be a very strange thing. Just to sit in the quiet. But give it ago, you’ll be surprised at what can come your way when you give Spirit just a 5 minute breathing space in your day.


Oh and that doesn’t include Ipods or “having your ears in” it’s still extra noise. Just be quiet in your room. I can feel the energy building up in mine as I sit here and think about it.


Love and light


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My First public Philosophy, EVER!

I do love a Rabbi Blue story; I feel that I share so many things with him. Although are paths started out at different points, his Jewish, mine CofE, we both have ended up in the belief that what matters most is a personal relationship with God, not necessarily one that is littered up with the trappings of our Religion, although he did return back to his Jewish roots but as a liberal rather than an Orthodox. I didn’t return back to mine but moved on to explore my own path and have been wonderful blessed and fore filled in doing so.


For me, being honest about where you have come from and where you think you are going is just as important as being honest in your daily life. Principle 5, Personal Responsibility calls us to fore fill our God given potential to improve our own lives and those of others. Being honest is just a small step in that, but it is perhaps the most important.


Honesty is a big word. Its like the word love, it covers many sins. It can mean the simple and easy things of not stealing, not lying, owning up to misdeeds and bad behaviour. But for me it’s a lot more.


I had to be honest with myself in my early teens when I realised that a pair of rugby shorts with massive hairy thighs in them did more for me then a flash of a bra strap and a Double D chest would ever do.


I had to be honest with myself when I had left my monastery and realised that going back to Parish Worship, wasn’t working for me. I had touched and come to love something deeper in my own relationship with God sat in the Monastery Garden, then I would ever find just sitting in a pew.


I had to be honest with myself when I realised that this world’s biggest problem was greed, not war or drugs, or starvation or the religious fanatics coming from the east.


And I had to be honest with myself when I saw that Mediums and Psychics aren’t a load of conman. Well not all of us anyway.


Has any of this improved my life. Absolute it has. It’s given me the ability to stand in my own power, taken me on paths of Spiritual discovery and enlightenment that I would never have even considered if I’d stayed in the World of church of England.

Allowed me to reject the “popular Culture myths” and live life according to my own path.


Has it improved the life of others? I would like to think so. There is a CEO of a company I used to work for who I know, had to Rethink the way he saw the world, after a couple of conversations with me. That the pursuit of Profit wasn’t all that is cracked up to be. That, as lord Sugar say’s “Honesty and integrity will serve you more in the long run”. If only other’s in the business world saw it too.


Being honest isn’t just about every day stuff of not stealing or telling the truth to your wife. And all the things your Mother would have taught you.


It’s about being true to yourself, being honest about yourself and just maybe because you are, you can help guide someone else for a few steps along their path.


There is a deep Spiritual freedom about being honest with yourself. But it can be a very hard task to master. Being honest and braking away from “the norms” can be the hardest, most gut wrenching thing you can do. Being able to break away from what you’ve been taught from childhood can be so painful, that for some they just can’t do it.


One of Roses’ songs in the musical Gipsy is about how it’s easier to sit in your arm chair, pay your bills, knit and just left life pass you by. But think of all the possibles your missing out on.


I quiet understand that for some people it’s just too hard to break away and be themselves. There are reasons why, depression, fear, anxiety can seem like never ending daily hell’S for those that suffer their terrible grip. And to those people I send out love to them.


So many of the generations above me. Have found it hard to be honest to themselves and have the life they could have had. Stuck in bad jobs, bad relationships, bad situations because that’s what they have been taught is “the norm”. They find it hard to look outside of their own box. But what gives me hope is the way some of the kids today, even in their teens are getting the idea that being true and honest to themselves is more important than giving in to peer pressure and worrying about what other people might think of them. That the chasing of material gains and excessive profit is not the way to fix this world. I see it in so many of the young that cross my path. It’s a joy to see and gives hope to this old soul.


Rabbi Blue says he’s still learning how to be honest, we all are. It’s all steps on your own path, and that is yours to follow and discover.

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Those little reminders

So today, after a full on week at work, I finale get round to doing a bit of cleansing. Light up the Incense cones and get the Smudge stick going, lovely.

But it wouldn’t stop! My room looks like I’ve got a Sea Mist in it!

Now why would that be? Very simple. I’ve allowed the “negative” energy to build up and it’s take a lot to get it shifted. Negative energy, bad energy, dirty energy, in this case it’s the same thing. It’s energy I’ve picked up and brought home. It’s take up residence in my room. This isn’t seriously bad; it’s not like I’ve had a big bad Poltergeist in the place, although I have noticed that some of my crystals have been moved around on my Alter lately, but I think that’s the work of something with whiskers, four paws and meow’s a lot rather then a visitor from the other side.

I’ve not done anything that I shouldn’t have done, not cursed up a hex or used any kind of Spell, that is in that grey area of light work. So what is it?

It’s the day to day energy that you’ll pick up. The “negative” energy that comes your way from being out in the world. The snotty email from your Boss, the customer who prefers to shout rather then discus things like an adult, the guy who cut you up on the Motorway. All in them selves’ not huge big blob’s of Negative but allowed to build up take time and a lot of Sage, in my cause anyway, to shift back down to earth so that they can be dispersed without causing any more harm.

So be mindful of what your day has been like and remember to cleans your living space regularly. Even more so if you have empaths in the house, as the build-up will affect them more than you think it will.

Luckily I had plenty of Sage in the house, otherwise I’d have still been sat there, with the Angels trying to shift the stuff. I know, at the moment, I just don’t have the Spiritual energy myself to do it alone. Another reminder about making sure that I don’t allow dirty energy to build up. A full on week at work, I shouldn’t have been surprised that my room was full of old, dirty, used energy. Another reminder to me that I don’t give myself enough Meditation time. Just sitting in the Power for 20 mins or so a day would give me enough of a Spiritual top up to shift things like this on my own.

So lesson’s for this time,

Cleans your living area regularly.

Spend time sitting in the Power.

Don’t let the build-up of dirty energy get to big that you can’t move it on without help from the Angels.


Light and love

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