As some of you will have seen, yesterday was my anniversary. It was 2 years since my heart attack. It is still the biggest game changer that has ever happened to me. This time last year i wasn’t in a good place. Although the physical side of recovery was going well, I’d stopped smoking, lost the weight, started on my regular daily walks, my mental health was in total disarray
This past year I have been trying to sort that out, by getting help and trying to see the positive side in everything. Anxiety is my biggest issue, but only when I’m in the house in my own for more than a couple of days. It’s the thought of something happening and being on my own and not knowing If id know what to do, be able to do it. When I first came out of hospital I couldn’t go more then a day with out having some one around just in case but over time this is gotten to 3 or 4 days before the anxiety kicks in.
I’ve also have PTSD diagnosed as well. I was having flash backs, not to the event it’s self but bring back in hospital where you are on show for the whole world to see, attached to machines and drips and you aren’t allowed to move around freely. It was scary being in hospital and not really knowing what had happened or what they had done to me. Don’t get me wrong I’m very grateful that they put the two stent I needed in to my heart and I know that the care I had was the best the NHS can offer but I’m not a hospital person and it has lead to flash backs and panic attacks.
But now I’ve found ways to control them and they have near enough stopped. Although I have recently refused some dental work, that needed to be done in hospital rather than at my dentists. Because the thought of being back in a hospital bed and being dented the freedom to move around was to much for me
Although at least this time I didn’t wig out in the waiting room when I went to see the consultant, which has happened when I’ve had to go back to cardiology in the past
So how did it work for me? Well I must admit that it’s down to walking and using mindfulness techniques. These have helped save my sanity this past year. By being in the moment and seeking the joy in that moment it doesn’t leave room for any of the negative thoughts to over run your mind. Also I’ve found that crochet is a really good way of being in the moment, it works a lot better for me than listening to music or reading does.
Mindfulness and meditation to help ease out the negative thoughts and to allow in the positive. Although it can be something that you really have to work at some times but it is truly worth the benefits of it. Give it a try and see what happens
So as I head in to year 3 there is still more to do but I’m grateful now for each day I have to enjoy and to find that special moment in.